As a non-Christian, I am not a celebrator of Christmas. I have, however, always loved Christmas decorations and displays. I mean, how can you not? Even if you feel left out/annoyed/oppressed by all the Christmas hoopla when you don’t celebrate it…Pretty lights! Inflatables!! Animatronics!!! I mean come on!!!!!!!
One of my favorite things to do in recent years has been to photograph Christmas displays that I’ve particularly enjoyed. So my holiday gift to you all this year is a series of these photographs from my archives, along with some observations. Since there are so many, I’m going to divide them into categories. And I hope this won’t offend anyone for whom Christmas is not mockable, but if that’s you, you might just want to move along now.
Creepy
I love Christmas in Dyker Heights, in Southern Brooklyn, because it’s truly insane. If you haven’t been there, there’s still time for you to go this season, and I urge you to do so (though not today, because it’ll be out of control). There’s a lot to love there, but my favorite thing by far is the unintentional creepiness, derived from 1) rented displays, which often have started to show some wear, and 2) animatronics, which I always find innately creepy.
I think this guy is more likely to eat you than give you presents.
Because it wouldn’t be Christmas without dead-eyed children with matted hair in semi-Victorian costumes.
If you listen closely, you can hear these snowmen whispering, “BRAINS.”
I’ve had this nightmare, where I’ve suddenly found myself being forced to go pay tribute to the old, wrinkly King of the Snowman tribe, who is saying in a reedy voice, “Come closer, come closer, I won’t bite.” And then he drinks your blood.
Back in my neighborhood, this Santa is quite obviously trying to get the cute little elf into his bag.
The inflatable Grinches people buy tend to look like the creepy neighbor who you always see through your window, just staring.
Except for this one, who’s flashing gang signs.
Just Not Christmasy
I’ve spent a lot of my holidays with family in places where, coming from the East Coast, Christmas just feels off. I mean, they try, I’ll give them that, but…
No matter how many cacti you put the hats on, they’re still cacti.
Even James Dean can’t make this Santa cool.
This poor dog is tired of trying to make you feel like it’s Christmas at the taqueria.
Yoda is so embarrassed at having to stand on this sad pile of wood chips in a Santa outfit that he’s literally melting into the ground. (More deflated inflatables to come!)
Nobody likes you, Florida dentist.
Christmas in Florida makes this Abominable Snowman so depressed, he’s hiding from Rudolph so he can binge eat his own fingers.
Dinosaur in Christmas Fez? California please.
Margaritaville Santa had a long night.
It’s a lot
Do you think these people like Christmas? I’m not entirely sure. (To be fair, I’ve been by this house at other times of year, and they also really really like Thanksgiving, Easter, and Saint Patricks Day).
I love a disco Christmas. In Paris.
I love how Rudolph is like, “Wait, where did all of these little boys come from — OH GOD MAKE IT STOP.” Then picture the snap-zoom-out that would be there if I were directing that scene.
Fails
Deflated fallen holiday decorations are just innately funny. It’s like all of your favorite holiday characters just suddenly needed a nap.
Or the wisemen went on a bender.
This Frosty was clearly sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.
And this Santa owes somebody money.
Then there is this one house in my neighborhood that, last year, could not seem to keep its display all up and running for even a day or two. There was always something going wrong. Which was awesome.
The morning after the after party (the nutcracker is clearly the doorman at the club).
Get up Clarice, you’re embarrassing me! I told you to take it easy on the egg nog, Jesus!
Rough night for Frosty (the music kind of makes it).
Fingers weren’t enough for this Bumble, he wanted the whole arm.
Perhaps because of all this difficult upkeep, this year, they decided to ditch all of the inflatables, give up on Rudolph and Frosty and just go for inanimate objects and a GIANT SANTA WHO’S COMING TO GET YOU.
And finally, the match-up you’ve been waiting for: Santa vs. Frosty! And it looks like Santa’s already gotten the drop on — ooh, that’s gonna leave a mark.’’
Oddly Appealing
Finally, here are some displays I just enjoyed for their uniqueness, even though they were not creepy or sad or weird.
The biggest Bumble around.
No, there is no Hanukkah bear, but as someone who was a Jewish kid, I appreciate the effort.
The one good thing about being a snowman is that you don’t actually get cold, but between him and the penguins, this is just pure entertainment.
The traditional Christmas Rubber Ducky.
An interesting mashup, though a bit subdued considering what these folks did for election day last year.
Bumble photobomb.
Thanks to everyone who came here and read my stuff this past year, and here’s to 2024 being a better one.
All delightful and entertaining!
Thanks!!
I'm in Brownsville Texas with my girlfriend's family this year. The cemetery (most graves) had very respectful Christmas lights.