I am only on Facebook when, 1. I’m cyberstalking someone, 2. I’ve gotten a notification about an event, 3. I’m looking at likes or comments on the photos I cross-posted from Instagram, or 4. BIRTHDAYS.
We all know that this is the one thing that Facebook really gets right. You get to hear from all of you friends/work colleagues/blasts from the past/other random people who are somehow your Facebook friends but you don’t know why, much less why they are wishing you a happy birthday, but whatever — it just adds to the birthday love and it’s nice! Mostly.
I generally try to add something individual when I wish someone else a happy birthday, like a semi-customized emoji — Are they more of a cake person or a champagne person, or would a solitary balloon strike the right note? — and a short message, just to make sure people know that this wasn’t rote and they are special, because, heck, I don’t put that five seconds of my day into just anyone! However, I don’t tend to use the Facebook avatars, because they kind of freak me out. It’s not that I don’t like mine exactly — although I do now realize, after seeing other people’s that I really need to step up her wardrobe, which is just a basic grey shirt, probably because I never bothered to go further (I’m kind of shocked I even got as far as the hair and glasses). No, it’s that there’s something extremely freakish about all of them, especially now that Facebook is (sometimes?) offering the option to turn them into videos.
First off, let me say that I have never been offered the opportunity to create one of these. When I get a notification about someone’s birthday on my phone (but not on my laptop), I can only pick from a bunch of still images like the ones at the top of this post.
Now, as you can see, these all make “me” look like I am absolutely insane, which is why I have chosen not to use them. That is, once I realized that I actually was using them, because Facebook automatically defaults to me posting one when they show me whose birthday it is and ask me to write/choose a message to post on their wall. I had to figure out that I had to unselect the images and between when I realized I was posting something I didn’t intend to post when I figured out how not to do that, it was like Facebook had created this as a way of dissuading me from wishing anyone happy birthday. Because I mean there is nothing at all “me” about the zany and hyperbolic display of emotion coming from these avatars, not to mention the weird, one-side-of-the-mouth-more-open-than-the-other thing she’s doing — which I think might, disturbingly, reflect some of my real facial expressions, but I’m pretty sure and truly hope that’s not because Facebook is basing this on all of the data I’ve given them about my face over the years, and more because my face can trend into uncanny valley territory all on its own when I try to smile for pictures. Clearly this is something I need to work on, but in general, I feel like these avatars are saying Hey, I suddenly became Rodney Dangerfield for your birthday — and I don’t get no respect!
But this is all to say that I have only been on the receiving end of these little videos, so I don’t know the process that goes into making them. But there are clearly a number of variations that go beyond the avatar itself. There are a variety of backgrounds, from abstract
to kinda abstract but also birthday
to more a realistic-esque birthday scene.
All of which, by the way, have given me the opportunity to see that only the grey shirts show sweat and shadows, so I really need to fix that — again, not because it’s entirely inaccurate, but because it isn’t.
Then, as you can see, there are the variations on what the giver is holding/offering, which, as you can see, is either a whole cake, or a cupcake and party blower (yes, that appears to be what they’re called). Most of my friends posted the latter. Why did they think I didn’t need a whole cake I don’t know, but both options are a little frenetic and over-the-top.
But that’s nothing compared to the “sentiment” “I” am expressing in response to their gift “surprise.” There seem to be two different options for that too, one which is very surprised and then sincerely touched,
And the other, which can only really be described as just batshit.
Both are extreme, given the circumstances. I mean, I’m standing right there. I can see what’s coming. Why would I either be surprised and then touched as if nobody has ever thought of giving me such a thoughtful cupcake and party blow, or so excited that I’m shaking in anticipation like a chihuahua on a cold day and then full-on jazz hands crazed once the thing is held out to me — that I obviously could already see, because again, I’m standing right there. I love cake, so sure, maybe, but the complete orgasm of joy/being moved to the brink of tears by someone blowing a horn in my face that I saw they were going to blow in my face before they did it? And then doing it again, and then again, on a loop just brings it all into further relief as a Whaaaa?
Not to mention the fact that, in this one, my friend’s head has morphed into something disproportionately gigantic, like that cupcake isn’t going to be enough for either of us and she is just going to eat me whole.
Now I’m not saying that the Bitmojis that you can get on your iPhone are not also wacky when it comes to displays of emotion. But they seem to be less over the top, except when it’s on purpose.
Like, if I were ever to actually go “MUAHAHA!” my face probably would look like that (except that I made these before I had glasses and when my hair was longer, but I do like the fuzzy vest!) But the rest are pretty understated. Plus, they deliberately chose to go with 2D cartoons, not this weird, chunky, sorta-game-like 3-D, with the plastic Playmobil hair that doesn’t understand texture. I’m guessing that if I were a gamer I’d be more familiar with this look, but we all know now that the Facebook demographic isn’t gamers, it’s old people like me.
Now, this is not in any way meant to say that I didn’t love all of the birthday wishes I got, or didn’t especially enjoy these videos. I did. As one of my friends said, Betsy likes the creepy. It just makes me laugh because it’s so wrong, and if you sent me one, isn’t that kind of what you wanted? Birthdays tend to be a time of reflection for me, and this time, I got to reflect on what it felt like to be a meme, and how maybe I should get a little more excited about things. I mean, just look at how happy she is about cake (even when she can see that it’s right there). And maybe it’s also comforting, because it shows that we are still far, far away from confusing most 3D AI-generated stuff with reality. There still seems to generally be some sort of tell when you’re looking at AI, at least beyond a couple of seconds.
But I have to say it also makes me question the judgment of the people who run our social media platforms, how they rush to give us technology before it’s fully baked, before they know how it might get used and how it might impact us, without bothering to find out. Looking at these avatars in particular, it’s almost like the people behind Facebook don’t understand real human emotion and its potential at all…Oh wait.
Anyway, it was a fine birthday — I was sick but I didn’t have covid — and thanks for being my friends, and also my “friends.”
I now have a better understanding of those Facebook avatars!